Wednesday, 21 March 2012

The Ghost Critter


I now have a new Thai visa, good for the next 3 months, but getting it was a huge pain in the ass.

A few of days before leaving for Cambodia to get the visa I noticed a huge blister on the antecubital space of my right arm. It was huge but I had no idea how it got there. Over the next couple of days it slowly spread into a huge swollen rash, covering most of my arm. WTF? I have no health insurance right now so Google is my doctor. Dr Google suggested that it was probably an allergic reaction to an insect bite, so I took a bunch of antihistamines and used steroid cream and it slowly got better. But I was still wondering what the hell it was that bit me.

My bus to Cambodia was leaving at 4:30am. I don't know if you'd call that super late or super early? I have no idea because I am always on a rotating sleep pattern where I go to sleep and wake up an hour later than the day before. I think my body was designed for a world that has 25 hour days. But anyway, it was 4:20 and I was scrambling around my condo packing all the essentials for the trip, such as Nintendo 3DS and stuffed monkey, and frantically drying off boxer shorts and socks (that had been sitting damp in the washing machine for at least a few days after the cycle finished) with a hair dryer. That is when I felt something on the side of my body, but by the time I looked there was nothing there.

Then I heard something scrambling about! Fuck. There was some kind of beast in my bedroom and whatever it was wasn't small. Fuck! I come from a country where the largest thing that has ever invaded my living space was about the size of my finger nail, and even that had me in a cold sweat and panic.

My condo has been like a fortress for a year now. No creatures at all have gotten in here up until now. Not even any of the girls I've brought back could be described as creatures, due to me being extremely careful with my alcohol intake. You need to be very careful in Thailand. If you get completely wasted it's not just waking up next to some really ugly chick that you need to worry about, it could end up much, much worse. And by worse I mean a really, really, REALLY ugly chick that is packing some meat and hairy two veg.

But anyway, no beasties, spiders, ladyboys or anything had previously got into my home. I'm high up off the ground in a brand new condo that is completely sealed. It's quite an upmarket place so all communal areas are cleaned spotless every day and even a pest control company comes in regularly to take preventative measures against any kind of critters.

I still have nightmares of the night last February when I went to the English fish Amatay's apartment in Phuket to help him fix his laptop that was feeling the strain of all the viruses and malware that he'd collected from the massive amount of porn sites he visits on the reg. I was already feeling pretty disgusted that I was typing on his cum-stained keyboard when a MASSIVE cockroach ran across the laptop monitor. It took me months to get over that incident.

A year later and I now had some beastie of my own that I had to deal with. I didn't have a chance to find out what kind of monster I was dealing with as I had to run for my bus. But before I left I switched on every light in my condo and turned on all the aircon units. Hoping that would drive whatever creature it was back out whatever sneaky way it got in by the time I returned.

I stayed in a casino hotel in the strip of No Man's Land between Thailand and Cambodia while the agents took my passport to the Thai embassy in the Cambodian capital to get me a visa. Usually this only involved 2 nights stay but there was a massive screw up and I ended up being stuck there for 4 damn nights. All that time the aircon was bleeding money and wasting energy in my condo in Bangkok.

When I finally got home to Bangkok I was poking around everything with a long stick to see if there was anything alive in my condo. I didn't find anything. Just to be safe I went straight out and bought all sorts of cans of critter killing poison and sprayed it everywhere, nearly killing myself in the process.

Even though the coast seemed to be clear I was still paranoid that there was something alive and sharing my living space, so I slept the next few nights with the light on. Then last night I decided it was safe to sleep with the light off. I was in bed for about 15 minutes when I heard something moving around. I jumped out of bed and turned on the light. I was in a cold sweat and started poking around with a long stick again but absolutely could not find anything.

So yeah, I'm just being haunted by some kind of ghost-critter, that likes to bite me in my sleep. That's all. Either that or I'm just going insane crazy. Either way F my F-ing L.


We had out monthly Team Online freerolls recently. These are special tournaments for players who are new to PokerStars, you can find out all the details here. I had the pleasure of winning the depositors freeroll, proving myself to be the best Team Online player in the world (aniec).

I beat my Team Online colleague Tyler Frost heads up after he slowrolled the crap out of me with AK preflop. Needless to say he got a nice lesson in karma right there. Get it right up you son.

Talking about frosty012, he has had a short film made about him. It's worth checking out to see how a Supernova Elite grinder balances life and poker very well.


ZOOM was released for beta real money play on PokerStars a few days ago. For those that don't know, ZOOM is a fast moving ring game product. As soon as you fold your hand you are dealt into a new one, being seated randomly against a large pool of players.

I made a little video to show you it in action,

The rate of hands that a player is dealt when playing ZOOM is around 200 hands per hour, per table. That is around 3.5 - 4 time faster than the regular 'fast' ring games that I normally play. Playing 4 tables of ZOOM PLO is no problem at all, and is much easier than multi-tabling the 14-16 tables that I would have to play simultaneously to achieve the same number of hands dealt.

I was initially worried that ZOOM would be a game that would have to be played 'readless' because of the ever-changing opponents. However after playing for several hours I'd been dealt into so many hands that even in a pool of several hundred players I had been matched up against the same players a lot. When playing ZOOM I've been able to make reads and take notes on my opponents and play well against them. It's certainly not a game that has to be played blind. Poker Tracker have already developed a ZOOM HUD and that has been massively useful.

I look forward to playing a lot of ZOOM and I have a feeling that I will be hitting those VIP Milestone bonuses a lot faster this year.


The Micro Millions tournament series is well under way. It is a series of 100 tournaments with very low buyins  but huge prizepools.

We had a Pro Special for event 34, a $5.50 Knockout tourney with all the Team PokerStars players having a $50 bounty on their head. I didn't even make the end of the second level. When someone raised me and I had AK, I checked to see if he hand more chips than me then I just shoved all in for a bazillion big blinds. I knew with the bounty on my head being so big in relation to the buyin that I'd be getting called by almost any hand he had. So he snapped called with A7 and hit a 7 and that was that.

I played in one of the PLO tourneys a couple of days ago on the side while I was playing cash games. Of course, I bubbled it, pretty standard. I posted a link to my bustout hand on twitter with a comment of what a hopeless fish my opponent was. I was quickly informed that it wasn't PLO that I was playing, it was PLO Hi / Lo and my opponent wasn't a fish after all. Oh deary, deary me ahahaha. At least I made such a shocking error in Micro Millions where the buyins are so low, but still annoying none the less.

The main event will be this Sunday (March 25th) with a $22 buyin and $1,000,000 guarantee. It is insane to think about the players who will make the final table, becoming filthy rich of their $22 entry. Certainly not a tourney to miss.


  1. did u also check how many vpp-s u will get in plo zoom per hand