Thursday, 5 May 2011

Getting Owned By Donks And Mosquitos

Not long after writing my last blog, my visa extension for Thailand ran out and I had to briefly leave the country if I wanted to stay there any longer.

The nearest border is Cambodia, so I went to Cambodia, in a "VIP" bus where the toilet reminded me of "The worst toilet in Scotland" from the movie Trainspotting. Ewwww, I'll wait til the gas station thanks. Oh, it's just as bad? Never mind then.

The whole process of going there and coming back, to get a new 15 day Thai Visa-On-Arrival took about 9 hours. So I just prepared a bag with all my essentials (passport, money, drinks, food, video games and monkey) and got through the whole journey with no problems.

Unfortunately poker is still going terrible for me. I'm still running bad with all-in ev and just haven't been getting the kind of volume in that I need to even out variance. I've been keeping my tables down to 6 so that I can concentrate and improve, and also haven't been putting in a lot of hours due to being awake a lot during the daytime recently when the games aren't very live, STILL suffering from Myokymia (although slowly getting better), and taking medication which makes me too drowsy to play.

I had one of my worst sessions recently where over a few thousand hands I lost 15 buyins, running 14 buyins bellow All-in EV.

That session really hurt. It took a good couple of days of serious binge eating for me to get over it! I guess the money isn't that much but I always think in terms of buyins or BBs, not real cash, and it just hurts me when prolonged negative variance, that I can't do anything about, results in my failure to be able to move up from PLO50. I need to move up sooner rather than later, I certainly can't keep 6-tabling PLO50 if I want to start earning more money than I spend each month. I've already kissed goodbye to tens of thousands of dollars this year.

I've been considering getting an apartment here, as an alternative to burning a few grand every month on a hotel. But to get an apartment would mean taking a 6 or 12 month lease, paying 2 months deposit + 1 month in advance, signing up for utility bills and probably a long wait to get Internet installed. So it's a big commitment and hassle and I don't like even small commitments or hassles in my life, so that is obviously a problem.

I like where I am just now, in a deluxe room on the top floor of a nice hotel, where I can have the air-con blasting at 17C all day long without caring about electricity bills, have a delicious cooked breakfast every day, and check out whenever I feel like it. It's also very clean. I've never seen a single insect or mosquito, that was until recently....

I was lying in bed the other night, nice and relaxed, about to drift off to sleep, when I heard a loud buzz right in my ear. My whole body shook with panic, and I jumped out of bed and turned on the light. I absolutely can't stand any kind of flying insects or creepy crawlies, especially anything that can bite or sting me, and I was damn sure that noise was a mosquito!

I knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep if I knew it was still in the room. So I stood in silence trying to find out where it was so I could kill it. All I could hear though was the sound of my heartbeat. I started to doubt the existence of this mosquito, that maybe I was going insane and my mind was playing tricks on me. Or maybe something else made the noise, a spring in the mattress or something. After 15 minutes of failing to find a mosquito I turned off the lights and went back to bed.

10 minutes later I'm starting to fall asleep when I hear a loud buzz again then something land on my arm. My whole body spasmed so damn hard and I flew out of bed, turned the light on and stood there with a cold sweat coming over me. There is DEFINITELY a BIG mosquito here.

After another 15 minutes of trying to find this evil bastard I decided to open the curtains and one of the windows. I sat in the darkness for a while, hoping that the mosquito would be attracted to the light outside and GTFO. It seemed like a smart line to take, and after a long wait, I felt pretty confident that the mosquito was gone already, that I had outplayed it, so confident in fact that I went back to bed and fell asleep immediately.

It was only late the next evening that I noticed a throbbing red lump on the side of my neck. I got absolutely done! How the hell did I get defeated by something with a brain the size of a pinhead? This is how I feel after every losing session of PLO where some sub-human clowntard that is playing every hand and calling every bet spikes his gutshot to stack me, then immediately leaves the table. Getting hit-and-run by donks and mosquitos, fuck my whole.. entire.. life! :(

A couple of days later, however, as I leaned over to get a cold drink from the mini-bar, the bastard mosquito appeared and I instantly slapped my hands together. There he was, lying dead on the palm of my hand, the stupid minuscule brained villain outplayed by the skillful hero after all. Beware all PLO hit-and-run donks, this is your destiny.

So my 15 day Visa-On-Arrival ran out a few days ago, and since I still felt like staying in Thailand, but don't feel like doing visa runs so often, I went back to Cambodia again, this time to get a proper 60 day (extendable to 90 days) Thai visa. It meant staying for a few days at Poipet on the Cambodian border, while an agency took my passport to the Thai Embassy that is in Phnom Penh, the capital of Cambodia, very far from the border, to apply for the visa on my behalf.

While sorting the visa out through an agent was extremely hassle free, I did have to spend a couple of nights in the hellhole that is Poipet on the Cambodian side of the Thai-Cambodia border. Google "Poipet" and all you will see is stories of how this is an awful place full of crime, pick pockets, scam artists, prostitution, child prostitution, beggars, crooked casinos.... the list goes on and it's all true. The agency put us up in The Tropicana which they said was the best hotel/casino in town. It was god awful, and the food was something they wouldn't even serve in a prison. That is what my time in Poipet felt like, being in a prison. I certainly didn't go out much!

But at least I now have the option of staying in Thailand until the start of August, without leaving the country, if that's what I chose to do.

Tomorrow night should be a lot of fun. I am hosting a night out in Bangkok for a bunch of PokerStars Supernova VIPs. I'll be taking them to the boxing stadium to watch professional muay thai fighting from ringside, and then for some fine dining at one of the most highly acclaimed french cuisine restaurants in Asia, with PokerStars footing the bill for the entire night. Life is awesome when you're a VIP!

I will let everyone know how the night went in my next blog. I look forward to relaxing before the SCOOP starts in a few days time, where I will be playing in and hosting a whole bunch of the events.


  1. That overnight back is just like Karl Pilkingtons lol

    Great that you get so involved in the Stars stuff, so many sponsored pros dont bother once they sign their deal.

  2. Holy crap I had the same thing happen with me in Thailand with mosquitos. Fell asleep and it buzzed in my ear! Jumped up like you bro haha! Those little bastards made me cover my body with tiger balm and nasty smelling mosquito repellant lol.

  3. Saw a documentary on Cambodia the other week. It was mainly following the child prostitution rings but also mentioned how rife crime, scams and other bad stuff was.

    I like the metaphor used in relation to the PLO donks. A+ for that sir!
    I really didn’t think there were ‘PLO donks’? I thought that whole game was just one big flip!

    Have you thought about hitting L.V up for the series, or is that place just to dam hot.

    How are the games on PS right now? I’m not too confident in any of these sites that’s been indicted, I heard that the scum bags over at UB/AP are jumping ship!
    I know that if I was a U.S citizen I’d sooner have my roll on PS rather than FTP.
    I guess at least PS is thought to be a more honourable site in every way. Time will tell but I’m sure this will be proven right!

  4. how long til ur life busto Dale? Or have u inherited a gran's millions?

  5. stay till august then come play Edinburgh. you know you want to.

  6. atlast another blog update ^^

    cya tonight mate.

    - Marcel

  7. Mat, I would trust my life roll on Stars. They have a history of treating players very, very well, and are a hugely profitable and secure business. Anyway, all player funds are held in a seperate bank account and not used to run the company like some of the sites did which then had problems because of this.

    As for PLO, well, it's good if people think it's just a luck game. I encourage more people to think that way :)

  8. You need to play the mozzies at their own game, sneak up on them when they are sleeping.
    They like to hide in shady places during the day, behind pictures on the wall is a favorite.
    Lift them off and splay them with a towel or for a less satisfying eradication spray behind all shady places with mozzie killer.
    Enjoying yer blog keep it up.