If you don't have a RoxxU trophy on your mantelpiece then you haven't made it in poker.
The winners of the prestigious RoxxU Awards are decided by a voting panel made up of the very best poker players and poker media personnel in the world. These are the only fair and unrigged poker awards in the world.
Hottest Poker Chick
WPT Anchor Kim Lansing takes the award for Hottest Poker Chick. Kimberly isn't just "poker hot", she's hot hot, and has real talent to boot!
Best Poker TV Show
And the winner is.... *drumroll*.... The Micros! Krantz and JimmyLegs have produced a masterpiece, a hilarious animated poker series. Check it out on youtube.
Worst Poker TV Show
The clear winner in the voting was Face The Ace. Seriously? Bobby from The Soppranos presenting a show where the biggest douchebags in the world are contestants playing against "pros" that haven't won at poker in over a decade?
What a fucking surprise that it turned out to be the worst show of the year. Even super hot Megan Abreigo couldn't save this show from being an epic fail. Still, every cloud has a silver lining, depsite the epic failure of the show they are now the proud owners of a nice shiny RoxxU trophy. Congrats guys.
Poker Player Of The Year
Our panel of judges took into account a number of factors including number of fools pwned, number of blog hits and number of fanboys, fangirls and railtards.
The clear winner of this impartial vote was Daleroxxu.
Upon learning of the award Daleroxxu had this to say "I am extremely proud to be voted Player Of The Year for 2010 by the panel of elite poker players and the poker media. I've tried to set a good example this year to all the lesser poker players out there, to give them inspiration and the hope that one day they could be as awesome as me."
Most Rigged Poker Awards
Favorite Poker Blog - No nomination for The Best Poker Blog In The World - Daleroxxu's Blogaments. Instead they list 5 boring ass blogs where each blogger writes an essay on each dry subject that nobody gives a fackin shat about, surrounded by shitloads of flashing banner ads for every sketchy poker site and shady rakeback affiliate. Not even a single fanboy video in sight. What a joke!
Favorite Web-based Poker Show - No nomination for the guys at Poker Static who are delivering the best poker media content out there at the moment, including interviews with the best players in the world, strategy segments and awesome podcasts. Rigged!
Funniest Poker Twitterer - Ok for a start it's "Tweeter" not "Twitterer" and what's this, no nomination for @DougLeePoker? Either these guys at bluff have no sense of humor or they have rigged it to make sure that @DoyleBrunson and his dumb blonde jokes wins the award yet again.
Congratulations Bluff, you truly are the Most Rigged Poker Awards of 2010. Enjoy the RoxxU.
Biggest Attention Whore
Unanimously voted by our panel of poker experts was Nick Rainey aka 'MI_turtle'.
He's the ultimate SNG grinder, and if you don't grind as hard as him you're a fucking loser (and it's his job to make sure that you know it). Follow him on Twitter? You're a sheep! Follow his blog? Get a life sheep! Member of his training site? Fucking Sheep! Mad Poker is your favorite show? Baaaaaaaahhhh
Congratulations Nick, it takes a true attention whore to have 3 threads about himself on the front page of NVG, BBV and MTTc, and that's the kind of talent that wins you a RoxxU.
I Can't Believe It's Not Botter
This is the award that is given to the person that our panel of judges just can't believe it isn't a bot. 2p2's Kevmath was a favorite for the award when nominations were first announced, but he has since been revealed to be human in this video.
This years award goes to rs03rs03 on PokerStars, because if you're 100+ tabling the $1 DoN SNGs for 25 hours per day, every day, then we just can't believe that you're not a bot. PokerStars bot expert Jeff used every tool and technique available and said there's no sign of bot activity on that account. People still didn't believe that he's not a bot. PokerStars sent someone round to the guys house to observe him while he played, and determined that he's not a bot.
People STILL didn't believe that he's not a bot. Congratulations rs03rs03, you can include the I can't Believe It's Not Botter Roxxu Award as one of your major accomplishments of 2010, alongside being the biggest loser in the history of $1 SNGs.
Best Poker Blog
With a clean sweep of the votes was The Best Poker Blog In The World - Daleroxxu's Blogaments.
With so many shitty poker blogs out there, leave it to the best in the world to set an example of excellence.
Daleroxxu had this to say "Thanks to the impartial panel of Judges for voting Daleroxxu's Blogaments the Best Poker Blog, but the real thanks has to go to my loyal followers, you know - you fanboys out there that love me and love my blog, I couldn't have won this award without you. Remember to check out my blog site for my world tour over at www.tourofcards.com".
Best Poker Podcast / Videocast
This award goes to Poker Static's The Hot Seat, presented by Eric Bickel and Bret Oliverio.
These guys have interviewed the hottest players in the game over 2010, and have always kept it entertaining whilst asking the questions and talking about the subjects that we all want to hear about.
Lardass Poker Player Of The Year
The award for poker lardass looked set to go to Eskimo Clark for the 10th year running but he was excluded from the nominations this time around after I became aware that his 2009 RoxxU trophy was listed on ebay, apparently by someone who found it in a dingy downtown Las Vegas pawn shop. Fuck you Eskimo, don't you dare disrespect the RoxxUs and the game of poker by pawning off your silverware for a couple of buyins to the 1/2 NL game at the Orleans.
With Eskimo out of the running the votes flooded in for The Coach from Kentuky. The coach hasn't finished ahead in a game of poker since the 70's, and this has sent him on a 40-year comfort eating KFC binge, to the point that we see him today. A true ambassador for his country, he wins the 2010 RoxxU for Lardass Poker Player Of The Year.
Forum Thread Of The Year
The best forum thread of the year was voted to be "View: New Way to Insult People" on TwoPlusTwo's News, Views, and Gossip forum.
you are a fucking moron
betting kk into trup qq
Epic photoshopaments followed. Best thread of 2010!