When you play live poker you can usually tell a lot about a player without even playing a hand with them. The way they look can be quite a reliable source of information. Well, the same is true with online play, you just need to look at their avatar.
Here are the top 9 types of avatar that will let you spot the fish at the tables.
Stupid Pet
Well done, your pet is a retard - and so are you!
The guy who believes it's a smart idea to put sunglasses on a dog is the same genius who thinks check min-raising a set on a wet flop is a sure fire way to poker success
Studies have shown that pets and owners become more alike over time, so when you see that stupid pet avatar you know for sure that you're playing against a certified moron. You may as well be playing against the pet, he's drawing dead. Take this clown down to valuetown.
Most likely to say: "omg so f rigged"
Pocket Rockets
Yes, these fools are the same people that turn up to the casino to play 1/2NL wearing some ridiculous "I'm all in" t-shirt. Most of these guys will be new to poker but those who aren't will not have improved since, or will be worse than when, the first time they played the game.
Will usually own at least 2 books by Phil Hellmuth and spend more time typing in the chatbox than playing hands.
Most likely to say: "I hate all these frickin donkeys, they make it impossible to win. I play better against people that know what they are doing, at least you can put them on a hand".
Lame Sports Team
So you support some lame Euro or South American sports team that nobody gives a crap about? Nice! You should totally make their emblem your poker avatar, and let everyone know what an absolute fish you are.
This Eurodonk or Latinfish loves action because he thinks that poker is some kind of sport. It's not, so you would be wise to stop playing like a maniac and typing "jajajajajajaja" and "vamoooooo" into the chatbox after every hand.
You will experience a lot of variance when playing against the Lame Sports Team avatar fish, but ultimately he will spew it all off.
Most likely to say: "JAJAJAJAJA. DU ARSCHLOCH FICK DICH"
Douchebag
The douchebag pic is a favorite avatar of your typical egotistical, fake tanned, kissy faced douchebag. I mean, when you spend your whole entire day looking in the mirror it's the natural to chose a photo of yourself as your avatar. I wonder, do these guys really think that other poker players want to sit and look at a picture of some dude's face while they are playing? I guess they do! Right-click -> Block Image -> GTFO.With an ego the size of the BP oil spill, these players have way too much confidence in their ability as poker players to ever feel the need to learn how to play better or take advice from anyone else. Every hand of poker for them is personal and they will try to outplay their opposition at every opportunity, generally spewing off large amounts of money in the process. Value-checking strong hands to these guy will make you rich.
Most likely to say: "ty" (straight after winning a hand)
Windows Sample Picture
A very popular avatar among the fish is to use a section of one of the few sample pictures that come with Windows XP.
These fish usually have a screen name that is just a bunch of random characters (qwertyuiop) or their name followed by lots of numbers (john23897189).
They are always 100% hopeless because they puts as much thought and intelligence into their poker game as they did when choosing a screen name and avatar.
Most likely to say: "Hey Dale, where did you finish in the last SNG? U see the beat I took?" (When I'm 16-tabling, lol)
Famous pro
When you suck at poker, why not trick people into thinking you know what you're doing by using an avatar of your favorite pro player. Phil Ivey or Stu Ungar seem to be the most popular choices.
These "poker enthusiasts" spend far too much time watching poker on TV and not enough time working on their own game. Word of advice guys, you're never going to get better at poker by watching Mike Matusow and Chris Ferguson play a donk-n-go on Poker After Dark. And just because you watched durrrr 3-bet 73s in a deepstacked TV cashgame it doesn't mean that you can do the same thing profitably with a 30bb stack in some turbo SNG.Most likely to say: "I knew you hit the damn flush, I knew it. Nice chase donk." (after paying off a huge river bet)
Annoying Couple
What better way to show your undying love for your other half than to use a picture of you both as your poker avatar? I think I'm going to be sick!
This is the same guy that turns up to play the $50 donkament at his local casino while his girlfriend closely rails him, until he donkcalls of his entire stack because he didn't want to get bluffed in front of his girlfriend. The entire table thinking "GTFO" as they walk away with their hands slipped in each others back pockets. *PUKE*
If this fool isn't smart enough to realise that he will be stuck with this avatar long after the girl dumps his donk ass, then he's not smart enough to win at poker. We poker players will be taking money from you just as easy as your chick did. GG son!
Most likely to say: "hi everyone, best of luck"
Athene / Chiren80
This is another very accurate tell that a player is bad. Unfortunately these players are rarely found playing above the very micro-est of micro stakes offered on the site.
People with Athene avatars are all newbies to poker, struggling to learn how to play a game that doesn't involve running around a virtual world casting magic spells on hobgoblins and gnomes.
The Athene avatar player is almost always atrocious at poker but when their main influence and inspiration in poker isn't even a winning player himself how could they turn out to be anything other than terrible?
Most likely to say: "POOOOONED" (After hitting their 3-outer on the river).
Ugly Baby
In my experience, baby-avatar donk is almost always a loose passive calling station. Typical full ring VPIP/PFR in the 37/9 range. When you have screaming kids to look after and stop you from sleeping you're never going to have the time or concentration to improve as a poker player. That is why the baby avatar is one of the most accurate online tells available, always a fish!
Most likely to say: "That's my child!"
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